When You Don’t Understand God
We all go through times when we don’t understand God. Some of our communication to Him may be:
What are you doing? Why did you do that? How can good come out of this situation? Why me?
All in all you’re just crying out……..I just don’t understand.
Well the other day I was faced with a “Why?” God moment and as I reflected on my life these moments always come in times like these. When sudden death especially by way of murder comes, these Why God moments intensify for me. Just on Friday my cousin was murdered in his truck shop. My cousin was the most generous, gentle and giving man. I was angry, bitter and vengeful towards whoever thought whatever their motive was, was great enough for him to take him from us. I just didn’t understand why it even happened and why God would allow it to. Not too long after entertaining those why god thoughts, I was reminded of the last time I didn’t understand God. Jan 2011 when my little cousin was murdered on New Years Day then a week later my other cousin had a heart attack and died. Then I asked God why our family? God I serve you everyday! I love you! My life is yours! We talk everyday and I’m used to understanding you but why are you leaving me baffled and in so much pain! I havent’ rested in days, I can’t sleep, I’m irritated, I have random bursts of sadness..JUST WHY? I know you won’t put more on us than we can bear but why is my family’s load so heavy. I don’t understand what You’re doing and Why? Then I was reminded of when my ex- boyfriend was murdered and how devastated I was and how his death made me turn to God. Then a few years later my ex-boyfriend’s cousin who I loved dearly was murdered yet again I just didn’t understand!!
When you don’t understand someone, you easily become frustrated with them and want to walk away from the situation. Think about it, when you call Comcast or service center and they connect you with someone who has a strong accent and you try to be patient but you can’t understand them, you usually become frustrated and may even hang up or demand to speak to someone you can understand. Well that’s exactly how I feel. I feel so strongly because I have a good relationship with God and I understand Him clearly when we talk, I know His voice and He knows mines yet in a situation like this when my heart is broken and I just don’t understand why such turmoil continues to visit me and my family, I can’t understand Him. The funny thing is I know He’s there and I even see the ways that He is speaking to me but my frustration will cause me to reject those ways because I want His voice, how I’m used to hearing Him. Sometimes we get so stuck in how people usually do things, we fail to recognize and appreciate the other ways they work and think they’re absent because they’re not doing things as usual. That’s how I’ve felt for the past few days, I felt like God wasn’t speaking to me because I didn’t hear His voice, because He wasn’t answering my questions, yet all along He was speaking to me through my family and friends, through the strangers who FB messaged me to sing my cousin’s praises, and even me but I was too stubborn to hear Him.
As a Christian, no matter what you go through when you don’t understand God, you still have to trust Him. Questioning God in an emotional and weak time is fair game for the enemy to try to make you question everything God has ever done for you. He’ll make one situation where you “feel” God has left you, cause you to want to leave God. Although I told yall I couldn’t hear God’s voice, there were several things I faintly heard over the past few days. One was “When you don’t understand God…” I knew God wanted me to write but I didn’t want to. I honestly was just mad that I had to even deal with the situation, mad my cousin was gone and didn’t really care about writing something to encourage ANYBODY because I was feeling quite discouraged. I also heard God whisper, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the Earth, my ways are higher than your ways (Isaiah 55:8-9)” The minute I heard that I knew that my moments of Why God needed to end and that I can’t ever try to know His ways or His thoughts but what I needed to do was be strong and trust Him. Then I had to thank God because although we’re in pain I know that it could be worse. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 came to mind “we are pressed on every side by troubles bur we are not crushed. We are perplexed but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed” This gave me strength; let me know that no matter what happens I’m not defeated because of Christ. Lastly I felt my hope coming when I randomly say Psalm 131 in doing a Google search on understanding God. “Lord my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don’t concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel put your hope in the LORD- now and always (Psalm 131: 1-3)” I realized that I wasn’t the only person who had tried to make sense of matters that were too big for them to understand! And like David I need to calm and quiet myself and direct my energy to hoping in God. I know that it’s only God who can make such a tragedy into a beautiful situation. I don’t know how God will do it but I’m sure He will. Even if I can’t see it with my two eyes, or hear it from Him, in my heart I must trust and hope that He will. Romans 5:5 assures me that “hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
So when you don’t understand God, know that He’s still with you, He loves you and His ways and thoughts are higher than ours and although you may be troubled, perplexed, and knocked down you will not be defeated. God is your strength and you will always hope in Him even when we can’t grasp understanding, Hope will not disappoint us because of God’s love for us.