While processing through my current state of life & emotions I began to explore understanding. Two unexpected loses in our family in less than a month, my entire family under quarantine due to being in contact with someone who tested positive is sure a lot to handle at once. Being the empath that I am, during a time where my body is weak and my spirit is crushed I want to be there for everyone and would love someone to just be with me but quarantine won’t have it that way. I had picked myself up after losing my cousin Tommy, fueled by my purpose and knowing my continual progression would make both God and him proud - I planned, plotted and even confidently shared this heightened mindset for more with those close to me. Just days ago I felt fully fueled and excited for the journey ahead only to feel stuck today. I begin to ask God to help me understand this.... I softly heard...
“ When we ask God for understanding, we expect Him to give answers or reasoning behind our issue/challenge/struggle, when in actuality He’s giving understanding through his direction not his answers” 🤯
Huh?! What you mean direction?! So you’re answering my question with instructions?
Me: Why is my family going through this?
God: strengthen yourself so you can strengthen them. I’m calling and drawing you all back to me. (Not a real answer but direction)
Me: Uggggghhhhh do I got the Rona?
God: Take this time to process your emotions. This is real time not practice rounds of fighting the enemy and his lies. Speak that you’ll overcome even if you do have it. Find gratitude even in your exhaustion and pain. The enemy wants you to fleet but fight daughter... no matter what the results, I GOT YOU!
Me: Why are people still coming to me about stuff like I’m not grieving? Why won’t folk just let me be if they’re not here to check on me because I’m struggling?!?!
God: You have to accept that the way I built your heart is different from others. Not everyone grieves or even feels for others like you. When they lose someone they grieve differently and may find busying with other things helps them. You feel everything and process it for deeper clarity & understanding. Stop expecting others to be who you are!
Me: I legit cannot take not being able to comfort and hug my family right now. I’ve been cool this whole time... why now?
God: As you prepare to move you’re going to need to stretch your capacity to serve and be there others remotely. You can’t always be physically present. I know it’s hard but I’m stretching you. Be stretched.. see how far your love and presence extends without your physical presence.
“Give me understanding and I will obey your instructions; I will put them into practice with all my heart. Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found.”
Psalms 119:34-35 NLT
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
These two scriptures both speak of understanding— teaching us not to lean to our own as well as petitioning God for it as a means to follow him. Both scriptures also connect understanding with locating Gods path or instruction.
Understanding isn’t always about answers and a “good reason why”. One great relationship builder with God has been my asking questions. While I’ve gotten many answers I’ve also be taught that sometimes an answer only reveals more questions in an attempt to find even deeper understanding which we may never reach or may find no matter how deep the answer it never provides consolation.
But when God gives you a path to follow, a set of instructions and affirmations to adhere to and embrace, your response to challenges/issues/struggles remain a God response. Listen more than likely you’ll follow His path with a ton of emotions and strain but nonetheless you’re on His path. As you continue to follow Him you’ll find some of your weight drop off. As you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel...
that family member saved
That testimony of how he spared your entire family from COVID
That business initiative or ministry that was birthed out of a rocky dark place in your life
You’ll begin to understand not why, but that His Word is true... that all things work together for the good for those who are the called according to His purpose.